"Not by the Farm of My Hairy Kid," said Mr. Farty Pants

My son has a hilarious book called "Gab Flabs". You've seen them before; they're the book that asks you to list off a bunch of nouns, verbs and adjectives and then you plunk them into sentences in a story with ridiculous results. For example, a sentence may say, "We (---verb---) nothing left to (---verb---). You'll have to sell our only (---noun---)." The best part is that your partner does not know what the title of the story is, just that he or she has to come up with interesting words. In this case, the sentence turned out to be, "We have nothing left to fly! You'll have to sell our only french fry!" This was of course from the tale of Jack and the Beanstalk.

Utilizing these books are an excellent way to learn about the diversity of words, as my son struggles to come up with a plethora of nouns that don't just connect to the word "butt" (but as you'll see, he has learned to use this word in a lot of different ways. *sigh*)  He's also expanding his vocabulary and learning about the breadth of actions that are available at his disposal as I share words like "quiver" and "slither" and "snot". Yeah, sometimes I tap in to my inner child.....

Most of the stories are based on children's fables and tales, so it's delightful to imagine the juxtaposition of what we know the story to be, and what a nine year old child will conjure. Without further ado, I give you some of our favourite lines from Gab Flabs (but I've spared you the whole story....my last blog was long enough. This one is nice and short!):

The wolf cleaned as fast as he could to the dirty house, and bounced her up in one gulp. Next, he put on stinky books and diapers, and climbed into bed, waiting for Little Red Riding Hood.

Little Red Riding Hood thought her tired sock sounded a little gruff.

"Oh, what big hairy radios you have," said Little Red Riding Hood.

The wolf tried to chew Little Red Riding Hood but tripped on creepy carpet and rolled right into the Woodcutter's path. 


On one terrible stormy night, with thunder and lightning, there was a booger at the stinky door. 


She said she was a sweaty eyeball but the Queen did not sip her but decided to give her an icicle anyway. 


The Queen invited the tongue to tea and said she could scrunch the wanker. 


While the princess released her panties and ate woody knuckles, the Queen thought of a way to find out if she was a real princess.


Only a real princess could be so liquidy to jump a pea through twenty chickens and toe nails. 


Once upon a time there were three bears who lived in a slimy bum in the woods.


"Not by the hair of my chewy feet!" said the little pig.


"Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll snort your eyes in!" said the wolf. 


The wolf discoed on the dog.


"Not by the farm of my hairy kid!" said the little pig.


"Not by the pants of my curly banana!" said the little pig.


Jack lived with his juicy widowed mother at the edge of the woods.


On the way to the market, Jack instead snorted the pickles for a few, magic snots from a gypsy. 


Suddenly Jack squished a butthole like thunder. "Bring me my nose and bubblegum machine!" 


Jack slid down the beanstalk, grabbed his earwax and began to bounce. 


....and a large Billy-Goat Gruff, who was the largest and with two smelly buttocks. (are you seeing a theme here?)

The grass was so green and tasty that they came up with a plan to retch the ugly old troll and get to the other side. 

 Ok, I'll stop for now, but I guarantee you, if you have bored kids in the backseat on a long road trip to God knows where, you can get away with not plugging in a movie if you have one of these books available. They are seriously hours of entertainment. And think of how fantastic an exercise this would be for writing Surrealist poetry, or any kind of poetry for that matter! And the drawings that could be created. These phrases mess with our minds, in a good way. Whew! So here's a plug for Amazon by connecting you to their link so you can get one of these books for yourself. Enjoy!

Tickle your funny bone with one of these books!