A Handy Man Would be Handy

Sometimes I am quite envious of the transient lifestyle of a musician. They are talented gypsies living off the kindness of others so that they can share their amazing music. But as I have mentioned before, I have already lived a transient lifestyle and in my lifetime, having moved fifteen times. That includes all of the different homes I have occupied in both Red Lake and Winnipeg. I have packed and unpacked a lot of boxes. So when I decided to knock down my little white house to build the home I live in today, it was with adament resolve that I wanted to be rooted here for a while. I love my home and endearingly refer to it as "the milk carton" because it is very tall, and very white. Freud would have a hayday with the phallic symbolism. (Smoke it, Freud.)

So, I have done a pretty good job, through trial and error, of learning all about what makes my house work as a complete, functioning unit. When my house filled up with oily smoke, I knew that the furnace wasn't working right. When my basement flooded, I knew my sump pump wasn't working right (Goodbye high school and university art portfolio). When I was staining my front porch, I learned that you can't lean the top of a ladder 1/2 on wood and 1/2 on screen. When moving wheelbarrows of rocks, I learned that physiotherapy really adds up financially.

It sure would be handy to have a handy man in my life on occasion.

Now, here's where it becomes interesting. As most of you know, I am a single woman. I am an independent woman and get a lot of you-GO-Sista's thrown in my direction. And I am very proud of the accomplishments that I have conquered, for sure, and thankful for the enthusiastic cheers from all. But sometimes I'd just like to have a MAN come and do some work around my house for me. I have a list of things that I know I can do, and should be doing, but they're not getting done. (Oh, there goes one of Sandy's fur dust balls...I'll just ignore that for now). Most of the time it is because I am just keeping up with the every day tasks; making lunches, sweeping, washing clothes, blogging, making sure Alexander cleans behind his ears, mopping....you get the point. So at the end of the day, I am not really saying to myself, "Ok, I have an hour of free time to do my own thing. I'm going to run downstairs and DRYWALL!" And honestly, I am pathetic with a drill. Maybe it's because I'm left handed. Yeah, that's it.

I have on occasion asked others for their assistance. I even had one guy come and say, "Sure!" to every single task that I asked him to complete. I even offered money, and inquired two weeks later when he didn't show up if he really wanted the job or whether I should ask someone else, and he still continued to say, "Sure!" I didn't realize that "Sure!" doesn't mean...."sure". I don't want the bullshit. This isn't one of those situations where you can just nod and I'll be happy. I need results. I have asked some of my friends whether their husbands were available to help out with tasks. I usually get the "If you think that my husband is going to come over here and help YOU with your tasks when I have this and this and this to get done at my house and he's sitting his sorry ass on the couch right now, you've got another thing coming. Go find your own husband" look. I can see the claws coming out, but they don't actually hold them up to my face. I get it! I get it! And there is some apprehension in asking "the single guy" because that can be misread as a "Red Lake date". If I happen to be in the yard, holding a ladder for a young, single guy, suddenly I'm a cougar, or rumour has it that we're sleeping together. Hey, no complaints about hanging out with a hot, single guy though. haha But I need some old, fat, married man to come to my house to do chores. No, that would start rumours around here too. It's a no win situation, I think.

And then there is the payment factor. If you have a partner at home that you've been able to convince to do some work for you, the payment is easy....a nice meal, topped off with a beer and some tv time and a roll in the hay, right? It works like a charm. Men certainly know how to enjoy the simple pleasures of life. But I can only offer two out of those three options, AND IF YOU'RE QUESTIONING WHICH TWO OPTIONS THEY ARE! Well, that's not very nice.

So I sit at home looking at kitchen cupboards that still need to be set, and a basement that needs to be sealed, drywalled and painted, baseboards and doors that need painting, a blown out screen in my "screened in porch" (which explains why I keep getting stung my wasps when napping there) that needs to be repaired, a rock path that needs to be cemented, doors that need to be set, shelves that need to be installed....you know; the list. So if you happen to be happily married and comfortable with sharing your partner for a few hours here or there, or know of anyone that is kind enough to work for crockpot stew and beer, you know where I live. Send 'em to the milk carton.