You Don't Know What You've Got ('Til) It's Gone

You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone.

We've all heard the adage before, and we've all said a resounding "Yup" to our own experiences with loss, but it still goes without say that for some mysterious reason, that simple yet extremely complex concept gets completely vanquished and decimated from our grey matter at times of importance (or when there is a full moon...or both...). And it's usually in those exhilirating yet tumultuous moments that there seems to be lack of consequences, or remorse. Think of your virginity. That should put this concept into perspective. I don't think I've met too many people (wait, let me rephrase that) I don't think I've met anybody that had mind blowing, highly orgasmic, sensual sex on "the big V" day. It's something that is reflected upon in adulthood and we say "Yeesh! What was I thinking?" You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone.

So let's get our mind out of the gutter now, and apply this concept to other areas of our life. I go through random acts of feng shui (which I am highly aware is an oxymoron) where I decide to cleanse my home of clutter and try to create a sense of balance and openness so that energy can positively flow through. That's a nice way of saying I get rid of shit that's cluttering up my house so I don't go bonkers. I am very conscious of what I get rid of and definitely consider where this "stuff" is going to go. I have stuff that needs to be returned to friends and family, stuff that needs to be sent away, stuff that needs to go to the second hand store, etc. If you know me by now, you know that I don't like throwing anything away that can still be of good use to somebody. But it never fails, ever, that as soon as I throw that little something or another away, I end up looking for it the next week. It is usually something that has been in an art supply pile in my studio since I was twelve. It's usually something completely ridiculous like purple feathers, or a deck of cards from Mount Rushmore, but suddenly my son is coming home saying, "Hey Mom! Do you happen to have a cool souvenir from the seventies that is somehow connected to famous, man-made, mountain sized, sculptures? 'Cause I need something like that for my Social Studies class. Oh yeah, and I thought I'd make you a craft out of purple feathers because I love you soooo much, Mom." Murphy's Law. As soon as you lose ten pounds, you wish you didn't give your friends all of the clothes that didn't fit you. As soon as you get rid of something, you wish you had it back.

You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone.

As humans, we easily dispose of other people as well, (emotionally that is!). Some by choice, and sometimes we are not given a choice. We go through cycles with friends and family members, and at times feel that we are making the right choice to "rid" ourselves of that person for our own good. But that too can come back to bite you in the ass. I didn't realize that I had so many questions to ask my grandmother until she was already gone and it was too late to learn about our family history from her perspective. I didn't realize how long I had gone without talking to one of my closest friends until she ended up in the hospital with debilitating health issues.  I didn't realize how much I would miss seeing my son every day until I had to look at his empty little snuggly bed in his star clustered little bedroom. I have been playing a big game of trial and error for the last 37 years, and it has definitely been difficult to deal with loss at times.

And then sometimes, when you realize what you've got, now that it's gone, all you can do is get down and funky and celebrate that loss. Those "Whew, that was close!" situations are also considerably important to reflect upon; those situations where you don't realize how dangerous or abusive or embarrassing a situation may have been until you removed yourself from it....a mundane job, a needy, one sided friendship, an unfulfilling relationship, a room full of crap, a horrible politician....haha Sometimes loss is good.

I guess it all comes down to appreciation and looking at different perspectives and taking the time to reflect before taking action in life situations. My goal is to get to the point where I don't have regrets; that I am solid in the choice(s) that I make and can reflect on them in years ahead and feel confident that my decisions were rational and thoroughly considered. I know that is highly unlikely because of factors such as the full moon, and my artistic temperment, and the wind, and the weather, but at least I can try.

I think I'm going to go and give my dog a good pet behind the ears and sneak a kiss to my son while he sleeps.