Enamored Polygamist

I just learned a wonderfully curio-laden word today: polyandry. Polyandry in layman's terms is when a woman has more than one husband. There is certainly something to be said about polygamy.....

Ok, I'll say it.

I think I could warm up to the idea of being a polyandrist (if that's how you say it/spell it?). What a wonderful existence we could have if we did not have to make one choice and supposedly live with that choice for the rest of our lives, (are we loons?) day in and day out, day in and day out, same person, same habits, same...well, you get what I mean. Being a polyandrist would tap in to my ADHRD (otherwise known as Attention Deficit Hyperactive Relationship Disorder). I guess if you're a creature of habit you should probably stop reading this blog right now and wait for me to write about tofu or something. Oh yeah, I already wrote that one....

So, this is why I think polyandry is for me.... (doesn't that sound like a wonderful jingle?) First of all, let's consider the different types of men that may or may not have come into my life at some point. In other words, let's consider the stereotypes of men, if you will. (You could imagine the angry emails that would be sent if the shoe was on the other foot and I was a man writing about stereotypical women. I KNOW that I am being a shithead so you don't have to call me on it. Let me have my day of fun before I have to go back to being politically correct.) So, there's a) the tough, manly bush guy that can cut trees down with his teeth. He's definitely worth having around, especially if a saw isn't handy. Then there's b) the active guy who likes to exercise just because it's "what he does". He's simply eye candy and fabulous to look at. He's the one that makes you say stupid words like "Guhhhh...." and walk in to posts and trees. Then there is c) the artistic one, that wants to paint your portrait, late at night by candlelight and cries with you when watching The Bicycle Thief together. Then there's d) the home keeper that puts on a crockpot of stew and has the laundry folded AND put away when you get home from a long day of work. (Yeah, supposedly he exists somewhere.) Then there's e) the guy that doesn't have any of the laundry done but he's naked under the pile of laundry that is piled up on the bed, and he's been waiting for you to get home. Yahoo! There's f) the guy that doesn't care if you go out with your girlfriends and get wasted at the bar, so long as you know where home is at the end of the night. You're not exactly sure why you're with this guy, but he's nice to you. There's g) the smart guy, h) the techie, i) the musician, j) the nomad that keeps on coming back to you, k) the guy that likes to go shopping....there's a whole alphabet of selection. The choices...the possibilities....

And I know that some of you are sitting at home right now reading this and saying, "Oh, I'm sooo lucky! My man is ALL of those things." To that I say, sure, you keep telling yourself that, Sister. And then I'll ask for a swab of the lining of his cheek so that we can clone him because he truly is a supernatural being. To this you're probably saying, "Yes! He really is!"  And some of you are probably saying, "Well, you can't have it all, Rhonda. You have to take the good with the bad" to which I say, been there, done that. Now I'm ready to just take the good from a plethora of many. Is that so wrong?

Think about it, when you want your plumbing fixed (please don't add any Freudian connotations to that one, I'm seriously just talking about plumbing), you really don't want to be with an arty guy. I could see myself yelling, "Stop waxing poetic and just fix the damn leak! I don't care that the flowing water reminds you of a dismal day you once experienced when aimlessly roaming the streets of London in a fog after being dumped." And you don't want the healthy, active guy around when you feel like sitting in front of your tv naked with a honkin' sized bag of dill pickled chips and a vat o' dip. And wouldn't you start questioning a guy that ALWAYS is willing to go shopping for a new pair of shoes? Are you willing to put up with the super sexy guy if you've seen his tossed underwear stuck to his bedpost for over a week and perpetually refers to you as his "sweet piece of ass". (He may have genuinely, honestly forgotten your name.)

If you go back and reflect on past relationships, I'm sure that each and every one of you can say, "You know, he was a really great guy, BUT...." There's always a "but" in that sentence that gets in the way. Too bad we couldn't just take all of the "great guy" stuff and package it together into one superhuman robo-man. What's going on with natural selection anyway?

*Sigh* Ok, I know that men are not dispensable, and don't come in a vending machine, and don't come with a manual on how to satisfy my every whimsical need. I know that. I know that men, with all of their quirks and wonky traits are just who they are, and deserved to not be judged, and bashed and labelled and compartmentalized. I know that very well and I love them for that. I truly do. So it will be so very nice when that day arrives where that thought is completely reciprocated....that women are also not being judged, and bashed and labelled and compartmentalized. (Try walking in the Red Light District in Amsterdam in the morning and you'll get a really fresh, blatant idea of what it's like to be a labelled, compartmentalized woman.) It is only then, when that reciprocated understanding is there, that balance will truly be found in this world. Then I won't have to continue to be a facetious schmuck using the message of polygamy to get a point across about acceptance.